Dwight Schrute: Someone forged medical information, and that’s a felony.
Jim Halpert: OK, Whoa, all right ’cause that’s a pretty intense accusation. How do you know that they’re fake?
Dwight Schrute: [reading from a sheet] Uh, Leprosy, Flesh Eating Bacteria, Hot Dog Fingers, Government Created Killer Nano Robot Infection.
Jim Halpert: Because right now, this is a job. If I advance any higher, this would be my career. And if this were my career, I’d have to throw myself in front of a train.
Michael Scott: This is our receptionist, Pam. If you think she’s cute now, you should have seen her a couple years ago.
Michael Scott: What is the single most important thing for a company? Is it the building? Is it the stock? Is it the turnover? It’s the people. The *people*. My proudest moment here wasn’t when I increased profits by 17%, or cut expenditure without losing a single member of staff. No, no, no, no. It was a young Guatamalan guy, first job in the country, hardly spoke a word of English, but he came to me and he went “Mr. Scott, will you be the Godfather to my child?” Wow. *Wow.* Didn’t work out in the end. We had to let him go. He sucked.
Michael Scott: I guess the atmosphere that I’ve tried to create here is that I’m a friend first and a boss second, and probably an entertainer third.
Pam Beesley: I don’t think it would be the worst thing if they let me go. Because then I might…
[pauses]
Pam Beesley: Its just, I don’t think it’s many girls’ dream to be a receptionist.
Dwight Schrute: Dammit, he put my stapler in jello again!
[Points to Michael]
Dwight Schrute: You can be a witness to this.
Jim Halpert: [eating jello] How do you know it was me?
Michael Scott: You’ll notice, I didn’t have anybody being Arab. I thought that would be too explosive, uh, no pun intended. But I just thought, “too soon” for Arabs, maybe next year. You know, the ball’s in their court.
Michael Scott: This is an environment of welcoming, and you should just get the hell outta here.
Dwight Schrute: [running into work after discovering it really was a Friday] I’m here! It’s okay!
Michael Scott: I’m friends with everybody in this office. We’re all best friends. I love everybody here. But sometimes your best friends start coming into work late and start having dentist appointments that aren’t dentist appointments, and that is when it’s nice to let them know that you could beat them up.
Michael Scott: Yeah, I went hunting once. Shot a deer in the leg. Had to kill it with a shovel. Took about an hour. Why do you ask?
Dwight Schrute: Would I ever leave this company? Look, I’m all about loyalty. In fact, I feel like part of what I’m being paid for here is my loyalty. But if there were somewhere else that valued loyalty more highly, I’m going wherever they value loyalty the most.
Pam Beesley: The thing about Jim is… when he’s excited about something- like the Office Olympics- he gets really into it and he does a really great job. But the problem with Jim is that he works here so… that hardly ever happens.
